I [Heart] My Life

Seven Tips For Raising a Reader

Peter Pan ran away the day he was born because he overheard his mother and father discussing what he would be when he was a man.

I kind of agree with his wanting to flee. Who wants someone else deciding their fate for them, especially when they are just a baby?

Except I've done just that for my own child.

From the moment she was born -- maybe even before -- I decided that she would be a Reader.

And I don't just mean one who knows how to read. I mean someone with a voracious appetite for reading. Someone who finds tremendous pleasure in books. Someone who curls their toes with pleasure at the sound of a new binding cracking open, or closes their eyes to savor the smell of ink & paper.

I've decided it & now I'm going about making it so. Here's how.

A lot of this has to do with Jim Trelease & his Read-Aloud Handbook. I've mentioned it on this blog before. It is my Bible. When new parents ask me for my top ten parenting books, it's on there. It is two books in one: The first half of the book is evidence and tips for reading aloud. The second half is treasury of invaluable book recommendations, cataloged by "listening ability."

Here are Trelease & my tips for raising a reader:

• Read aloud daily. Read everything from cereal boxes to picture books to novels. Start your day by reading together in bed.You might have to set your alarm a little earlier to do this, but I promise it will quickly become something you both look forward to (so long as you are choosing books you want to read, too). Read throughout the day (waiting for your order at a restaurant, sitting in the car, at the park), and read again at bedtime. Combine reading with other pleasurable activities, like reading while enjoying a scoop of ice cream. (For older kids -- because being read to isn't just for those who can't read -- try reading to them while they are doing a chore, such as washing dishes. More on this here, plus a wonderful photo of Jim & his teen son.)

• Book baskets. Trelease says raising a reader is as simple as making books available throughout the house. He suggests a basket in the bathroom, and another where your child eats. (Ever notice that people dining alone prefer to be reading?) I have book baskets in the living room and Nia's room as well as the bathroom.

• Reading lamp. This is another Trelease trick. He recommends putting a reading lamp beside your child's bed and telling them. "You can go to bed now, or you can stay up another 10 minutes to read." Most kids will choose to stay up reading.

• Fill your home with print. The literal number of books you have in your home matters (but you don't have to buy them -- don't forget the library!). It is hard to get good at reading if you're short of books. As Trelease puts it, "Giving phonics lessons to kids who don't have any print in their lives is like giving oars to people who don't have a boat -- you won't get very far." (More here with a graph showing the average print climate in three California communities.)

• Model reading. Children want to do what their parents do, so Nia sees a lot of reading in our house from novels to cookbooks to the newspaper. (I know a lot of people read on devices these days. While I do a lot of reading on the computer, too, I don't do this in front of Nia. I prefer her to see me reading real books so that she will want to do it, too.)

• Limit screen time, but say "Yes!" audio books. I don't believe a child will fall in love with books if they are already involved in a love affair with video games or the TV. But that doesn't mean that there aren't others who read aloud much better than me (actors, for example). Nia frequently enjoys "driveway moments" -- times when Joe or I have long since parked the car and her car seat buckles have been undone but she lingers in the car to listen to an audio book just a bit longer. (Next on my list is to get this one.)

• Take your child to the library -- and get them their own library card. Who doesn't love a new book? Or a whole stack of new books? Libraries have audio books, too.

And what of Peter Pan and his running away to avoid his parents' fate for him? Well, he came back looking for a mother, which to him was someone to tell him and the Lost Boys stories. Everyone, it seems, loves a good story.

You may have a tangible wealth untold:

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be --

I had a mother who read to me.

-- Strickland Gillilan, "The Reading Mother"

What We're Reading Now

It's not always easy to pick a winner when it comes to childrens books. Some are just plain boring, others are inane. And then there are some that I think will be great, but they don't hold Nia's interest at all. Other times, it turns out she's not mature enough. Two such titles in the latter category: Hans Christian Anderson's The Little Mermaid and Margery Williams' The Velveteen Rabbit. Both started out really well with lots of enthusiasm from Nia and myself (both were finely written and a pleasure to read aloud). But before long, with tears in her eyes, Nia said, "I'm not old enough for this book yet."

In The Little Mermaid, it was because of the wicked witch who grants the little mermaid's wish for legs -- the price for those legs was pain each time she walked, death if the prince didn't love her in return, and also the witch took her voice. The loss of the little mermaid's voice was the most upsetting to Nia.

In The Velveteen Rabbit, the part that disturbed her was the notion that stuffed animals can be loved so much that they become shabby and their whiskers may fall off and their button eyes may loose their shine and their bodies may loose their shape. This made her really cry. Oops! Ok, we'll come back to those.

So, here's what we are reading successfully. It's not all cancer books around here anymore, though it's still a mix of picture books and (age-appropriate) novels. We do the picture books during the day, but at night I prefer the chapter books with fewer pictures (I find that pictures are stimulating and, let's be honest, part of the idea of bedtime reading is to lull them to sleep, right?).

So for bedtime, we've been reading the Poppy series by Avi. Pam stared the series with Nia by reading Poppy and Ragweed. Then I read Poppy & Rye and Ereth's Birthday. Now we are in the midst of Poppy Returns, with one more book to go, Poppy & Ereth. Although Ragweed is technically the start of the series, it was recommended to us to start with Poppy and to lightly edit the second page (in which the character Ragweed is killed by the story's villian, an owl named Mr. Ocax). I like the series because Poppy the mouse is a wonderfully clever and creative heroine who is always helping others out of scrapes, first as a teenage mouse and later as a mother, and the stories gently bring up issues of friendship, family, death, & survival.

They are illustrated very well, but the illustrations are not on every page, so Nia can lay back and listen and begin the creative process of picturing the story in her head (or drifting off to sleep!). (Though I should add, I do understand it is an important pre-reading skill to be able to link the words to the pictures, too.)

We recently read another short-novel series of books that begins with Toys Go Out by Emily Jenkins. This one is about a collection of toys and their adventures when the people of the house are away. The toys -- a stuffed buffalo, a stuffed sting ray and a rubber ball -- grapple with issues of friendship, problem-solving, loyalty, making new friends, and overcoming fears. Like the Poppy books, this series is lightly illustrated with only one or two pictures per chapter.

A few months ago, Nia started asking lots of questions about how babies were made and where they grow and how they are born. After fumbling our way through some pretty awkward explainations, Joe brought home this book from the libary:

It's Not the Stork is a well-done book, touching on all the topics Nia was asking about without too much information that might scare her. But the authors also don't shy away from the anatomy and the book does talk very simply about "a special kind of loving called sex."

I like that the book mentions that some babies are born at home with a midwife, and it talks about both bottle-feeding and breastfeeding.

Other books we're enjoying include the Little House series that is designed for preschoolers and young readers, My First Little House Books, adapted from Laura Ingalls Wilder's books. Beautiful, simple, feel-good stories of 2 little girls and their infant sister growing up long ago, first in the Big Woods and later on the Prairie. I love the full-page illustrations in these books.

And we are also enjoying several versions of the Stone Soup folktale. I think this one is Joe's favorite; he and Nia have read it each night this week:

PS. After I wrote this post, Joe came home from the library with two more stone soup books! He's on to something with this stone soup repetition. The kindergarten teacher Steve Spitalny once told me at a workshop that you know a book or story has struck a chord when the child starts acting out the story in their play. He tells the same story to his kindergartners each day for weeks at a time! This week, Nia's been making stone soup in her kitchen.  

 

 

Children's Books For When Mom Has Cancer

I'm a big believer that when a problem rears its head, the solution can be found in a book. Rarely are our problems unique, and that's a comfort. Sometimes the best book, though, isn't a parenting book or a how-to guide or a medical journal. Sometimes it is a beautifully-written, thoughtfully-illustrated childrens' book that does the trick. 

Before I knew really anything about how we were going to survive this cancer journey, I knew we needed to find some childrens' books to help Nia understand what was happening -- and what was coming. She herself even asked Joe to find some books at the library about cancer.

It turned out to be a little harder than we first imagined to find the right books though. There are books about kids with cancer and books about grandparents with cancer, but there were only a handful of books about moms with cancer designed specifically for young children. Also, because cancer treatment protocols are changing all the time, it took a little bit to find books that didn't feature surgery as the first step in the cancer-fighting process. We needed books that talked about chemotherapy, but not in a too-scary way. (We found one library book that featured real photos of a real family dealing with cancer, which seemed promising, but then the pictures of the mama having treatments were frightening even to me -- she looked a little too skeletal, a little too at-death's-door sleeping bald-headed in the chemo recliner...)

Finally, after digging through Amazon myself and Joe getting some help from one of his librarian colleagues, we came up with a good stack of warmly illustrated books that didn't sugar-coat cancer, but also weren't too serious -- perfect for our family.  (Thanks, Whitney, for Mom Has Cancer, too!) (About using Amazon: I'd love to go down to Bookshop Santa Cruz and talk about this with the childrens book expert there, but I'm hesitant to go to a book store environment these days. Sigh.)

This one is Nia's favorite: The Goodbye Cancer Garden by Janna Matthies. We are now planning our own Goodbye Cancer Garden for the summer. In this book, in addition to watching a garden grow as the mom battles her cancer, the kids meet their mom's oncologist. It gave us the idea to let Nia come to my doctor's office and see where I get my treatments. She got to see me hooked up to the machine and meet Dr. Y. She saw that it was a friendly place where good things happen (and she saw that I wasn't being hurt there). That was hugely beneficial for her (definitely a Rule for Parenting with Cancer, I'd say!). 

Nowhere Hair by Sue Glader and Punk Wig by Lori Ries. These were helpful in broaching the subject that my hair will eventually fall out due to the chemo. We really weren't sure how Nia would take that idea, but she's taken it in stride and even decided to get her own hair cut. Eventually when I go wig shopping, Nia wants a wig, too, which I think is a terrific idea. I think Punk Wig is my favorite because the mom's a little spunky and I can relate to her a little more than some of the more mainstream moms in the other books and because I'm not planning to have a wig that resembles my normal hair. I want something outrageous!

This is another one that focuses on the hair-loss aspect of cancer-fighting: Hair for Mama by Kelly Tinkham. This is the most serious of the books we have. The mama in this book is having a hard time with her hair loss and her children, 10 & 8, talk about the fact that some moms don't get better. But the topic isn't focused on too heavily and the overall story is uplifting. Nia requests this one frequently. 

Two more we like: You are the Best Medicine by Julie Aigner Clark is very sweet and comforting, and Mom Has Cancer by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos does a great job of explaining that mom didn't get cancer because of something the kid did. 

Overnighty

Nia is making these huge leaps and bounds physicially, mentally & emotionally lately. Her latest feat of courage and bravery is underway right now: She is on her way to her first overnight trip without Joe or I. She was invited to go with Pam and Phil on a trip to Pam's sister's and she lept at the opportunity -- despite the 4 hour car ride & the sleeping without me. 

I know it'll all go well, but I can't help but be a bit anxious. I mean, she's never done this before. And being 4 hours away, there is no way around it when it gets rough; she'll just have to go through it. 

I guess the only thing left for me to do is... enjoy the break! After work, Joe & I will have a movie/dinner date -- and watch out, folks, we might even go for a drink after the movie and stay out super late! (Alternatively, we could fall alseep at 7. You never know with mid-30s parents, us crazy spontanous fools!)

Have a good time, baby! (Jump the picture for a smidge more.)

PS. The title of this post comes from a great book we picked up when Nia started wanting to try sleeping upstairs with Phil & Pam. I strongly recommend it for any little ones having sleep overs with Grandma. Incidentally, it was strongly recommended to me by the Children's Reference Guide at Bookshop Santa Cruz. This woman is great -- always recommends the perfect books for any situation!

Oddfellow's Orphanage

We recently read Oddfellow's Orphanage and it now sits utop my list of favorite children's books. You might think it a strange choice to read a book about orphans to a 3-year-old, but we are very fond of Pippy Longstocking (who's mother is an angel and who's papa is King of the Canabals, you know) and we'd covered the notion of Pippy living all alone at Villa Villekulla. At first Nia was a little concerned about where her mother was, but in the book this is so quickly glossed over with a playful spin (there is no one to tell Pippy when to go to bed, or to eat her vegetables when she'd rather eat candy), that we didn't let it interfere with a good story about a super heroine.

The same is true of Oddfellow's. It isn't dwelled on too much why the children have come to live at Oddfellow's Orphanage and I did a little bit of light editing when it got a smidge heavy.  Instead it is a delightful story of new friends, dancing bears, an onion-headed boy, astrology, "monsters," and much more!

The book is filled with these beautiful pencil drawings that are so touching. Nia and I read this book during the last bit of rain we had. It was so wonderful to cozy up with this warm-feeling book and get lost in it! 

And, I have to say it again, I so loved the female characters. It is refreshing to read stories that have kind-hearted, brave, clever girls and women. The orphanage is run by a man, Professor Bluebeard, but he is supported by several dear men and women professors and a nurse, and half the children are girls, including the main character, Delia.

I can't recommend this book enough! I know we'll be re-reading it over and over, and I imagine it'll be shared with future generations. 

Book Weather

With all the grey clouds today & the building of a storm, I thought it seemed like a good day to talk about books. 

I love where we are with Nia in terms of books -- she loves a good picture book and even sometimes still likes a board book or two from her babyhood, but she also is able to sit and listen to a book with no pictures for long periods of time, too. We've gotten into a great habit of reading Nia to sleep each night, and often Nia and I read first thing in the morning. Such a lovely way to begin and end each day, especially now that we are reading books that I enjoy. When we were reading stacks and stacks of picture books, I'd get really fatigued, but reading aloud from Hiedi or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory feels fun and easy. 

Here are some of the books we are enjoying now:

One Hundred-and-One Read Aloud Classics is a wonderful book. Nia just recieved it for Christmas & it is unabridged chapters from books like Black Beauty, Petter Rabit, Dr. Dolittle, Ramona the Pest, Charlotte's Web, etc. It gives us a chance to try out a book and see if Nia is ready for it and then we can check it out of the library, which was the case with Johanna Spyri's Heidi. And there really are 101 books represented!

Recently I was in Bookshop Santa Cruz looking for longer chapter books to read aloud when the reference "librarian" shared with me that it is really important not to skip over the longer picture books because they do a lot for children being able to link words to pictures on a page. And she implied that if you don't get that as a kid, you can't get it later! So, the above are two longer picture books that my dad gave Nia for Christmas, and I really like them. We haven't exposed Nia to the Disney princesses yet (though she's definitely aware of them as the marketing is everywhere) so I was weary of Cinderella stories. But, it seems there is something valuable kids get from fairytales, even the princess ones. And these versions of this story were recommended, so we gave them a try. And, like I said, it turns out I really like them. One is a Chinese Cinderella story and the other is a Persian Cinderella story. Of course they are very similiar to one another and to the American version as well, but it is also fun to observe the cultural differences.

And here and there Joe & I get to do a little sustained silent reading ourselves. :)

I'll leave you with a picture of Nia playing a song she made up called "Heidi & The Little Goat." I wish I had a video. Next time...

Bedtime Stories

In our house, we recently graduated to some longer books for bedtime story material and I'm so excited (I'm talking about for reading to Nia, but I realized this statement could be true for some of my own reading material, I'll explain). I really love reading a book that requires us to read only a few chapters at a time before one of us is falling asleep (usually me, I admit), or that we can curl up with in the afternoon if we need a little down time. (This makes it sound like I'm the only one who reads to Nia. NOT TRUE. Nia is very lucky in that a normal day often includes couch-stories with Daddy, recliner-stories with Baba, afternoon-snuggles-in-bed-stories in Bama, and bedtime-stories with Mama. Sometimes we do evening-tent-stories, too, with Nia holding the flashlight and those are fun, too.)

It might seem like an odd choice for a 3 year-old, but Charlie and Chocolate Factory was so fun to read together. Kudos to the children's book buyer at Bookshop Santa Cruz for convincing me it could work when I really wanted to try Stuart Little. I did edit it a little as I went as some material I knew Nia wasn't ready for -- or I wasn't ready explain (Mike Teevee carries around a lot of guns, and the Oompa Loompa songs are a little violently graphic), but I didn't cut too much and she really enjoyed the story and giggled frequently. 

Winnie the Pooh is such a treasure. It was our first time reading the stories and there was so much for both children and adults to appreciate and love. We read that one through a few times, and now we listen to it on CD frequently, and we also watched the 1977 movie -- which was so fun in that it was really true to the book and includes the book in the telling. 

We started PL Traver's Mary Poppins, but Nia wasn't quite ready.

I've been slowing introducing Grimms Tales, too. But many of those still have themes we aren't ready for, though we love the very tame "Sweet Porridge." And a great Russian fairy tale is "The Mitten." And now we are starting Pippi Longstocking. There are so many books I can't wait to share with Nia: Charlotte's Web, The Little House books, more Roald Dahl, Ralph S. Mouse... 

What books are you and your family reading these days?

On my own nightstand is Ira Glass' The New Kings of Nonfiction, which came out a few years ago but I only recently discovered. Oh my is it good!! Probably the best book I've read this year, and I've read some good ones. I discovered Ann Patchett and Jennifer Egan this year, so it's been a good year for reading. Which, going back to my earlier comment, is a big deal. I used to be such an avid reader, but after Nia's birth I felt like I couldn't find enough time to get really into a book. Or I'd start them, and then never finish them. Or all I read was parenting books. But this year I've gotten back to the world of fiction (and really, really captivating nonfiction) and it feels so good. Now, frequently if I'm bleary-eyed in the morning it isn't because Nia kept me up at night, it is because I couldn't put my book down. 

So looking forward to Nia discovering that lost-in-a-book joy.