Mothering the Mother

Welcoming Phoebe

Phoebe Elaine Hoetker
Born June 17, 2008, 11:48 a.m.
French Hospital, San Luis Obispo, CA
8 lbs, 2 oz., 20" long

The story of Phoebe's birth is told by her mama, Meghan:

My due date was June 8 (or 9, depending on who you ask) and my last appointment with the midwife was Thursday June 12, at which I was told that if I didn't have the baby before my next appointment they were going to schedule an induction for the following week.

I was not at all happy about this. I firmly believe babies know when they are ready to arrive and I believe that a woman's body will do what it needs to do when the time is right.

The baby wasn't in any kind of distress, the heart rate was fine, my blood pressure was still nice and normal, I was feeling fine and I didn't see any need to induce.

So that weekend, I committed to drinking gallons of Raspberry Leaf tea.

One of my best friends is a doctor and has -- therefore -- gone to medical school. She recommended I drink raspberry leaf tea to help with labor and she texted me regularly "Drink raspberry leaf tea! I am telling you!".

The women at the local health food store knew me because I had gone in 3 separate times to buy boxes of it. One of them said "Maybe your baby wants to be a Cancer and not a Gemini".

I am not making this up.

It was hot in June, so I made iced tea.

And drank an entire box worth on Saturday the 14th, the day before Father's day.

When I woke up on Sunday around 7:30 and went to the bathroom, there was a little bit of blood and I felt slight cramping and, well, had to use the bathroom as if I'd eaten curry the night before.

This is the body's way of "making room" for the baby, so I knew it was time.

I went back to bed, excited, but not wanting to wake up Geoff because I knew it would probably take awhile and we both needed our rest. He woke up around 8 and I told him what was happening and we just sort of laid there in bed for awhile, really quiet, with the heaviness of what was happening sort of blanketing the room.

At 9:30 I called Connie (our doula) to give her a "heads up" and she asked me about my contractions and told me to rest and treat it as much as a normal day as I could and to call her that night.

I thought "If this is contractions, I can do these ALL DAY LONG!"

Luckily for me, I got my wish.

Geoff and I decided to take a nap because, again, we knew it could take a long time and we also knew we needed to rest as much as possible.

So we slept until around lunchtime, and when I woke up I was absolutely CRAVING three things:

1. Fried chicken
2. Mashed potatoes and gravy
3. Nachos

I mean, I can't tell you how hungry I was. I was STARVING. My body was telling me "You better get some calories in your system NOW because it's gonna be a LONG road".

Geoff went to get Kentucky Fried Chicken (btw, I normally don't care for fried chicken ... I'm more of a "nuggets" type of gal) and nachos and I devoured them.

And we watched movies all day while I sat in the leather recliner and drank lots of water and just waited.

At 9 o'clock that night, I called Connie to tell her the contractions were feeling stronger, like period cramps, but I was going to sleep and she told me to call her if I started to have to "pay attention" to them.

I slept about 2 hours and at 11 p.m. was woken up in pain.

This began my journey to a place where time did not exist. The only reason I know times from here on out is it was either memorable (such as when Phoebe was born) or because I am looking at the journal our doula gave me.

I tried not to wake up Geoff, but when you are in pain there's not a lot you can do to muffle the sounds. I moaned and breathed out and tried to remember all the "helpful" things I'd read about in my books, such as "Some women orgasm during labor!".

They are all liars. All. Of. Them.

And I remembered the scene in "Baby Momma" where the girl goes "It feels like I'm shittin' knives!" and thought "That is the most accurate description of a contraction I've ever seen in my life."

The worst part is I could feel them coming. They build like waves. They start small, and go up to a peak and then diminish slowly.

They were coming hard, fast and excruciating. Like the worst period cramps of my life.

Geoff woke up and decided to time them.

He was asking me questions and I was like "I'm sorry, Meghan is not here right now so you're gonna have to be on your own for awhile".

They were a minute apart. And lasted 2 minutes each.

Again -- I had zero concept of time at this point. I had no idea if they were 5 seconds or 5 years although if you had to ask me at the time, I would have erred more toward 5 years than 5 seconds.

So Geoff called Connie at 12:40 because I was not really capable of making coherent words at that point beyond "SHHHHHH" because any noise was distracting me from the task at hand.

I was shaking and felt like I might throw up and couldn't get comfortable.

Connie and I decided we should go to the hospital.

We got settled into a room around 1 a.m.

There was no tub room available at French, which was disappointing, to say the least. But I was happy we had a room at French because I really preferred its "small hospital" atmosphere.

We also got the Nurse From Hell whose name I won't even mention because maybe she was having a bad night. I don't know.

I handed her my birth plan, and she scanned it (which included things like "no constant fetal monitoring, no needles" etc) and she said "Lay down on the bed and I'm going to wrap these monitors around you to get the baby's heartbeat and your contractions.

I was like "I do not want to lay down because that hurts" and she said "You need to do it".

My contractions slowed down considerably at this point.

I was first checked at 1:50 a.m. and was only 1-2 cm dilated (hint: you need to be 10 cm dilated to let the baby out of the uterus). But I was 90% effaced, so that was good news.

I was discouraged, however, because I thought "Wait, I've been in THIS MUCH PAIN and this is all I've got to show for it!?!?"

We walked the halls for 2 hours, drank lots of water (I brought Smart Water from home in my "hospital bag", as a present for myself) and the nurse checked me again.

I was 2-3 cm and I think she was being generous.

I laid down on the bed. This was 4:40 a.m. in the morning.

Mean Nurse came in with paperwork. "Why are you here today?" Mandatory stuff. "HELLO! I'M HOPING TO HAVE A BABY AT SOME POINT!"

She asked me to describe my pain on a scale of 1 - 10 and I said it varied between 6 and 9 depending on the contraction (they are not all created equal).

I refused bloodwork and IV antibiotics.

I have a heart problem which could be deadly if I get an infection, so I have to take antibiotics whenever I have anything "done", such as going to the dentist, etc. I knew I could take them via mouth as I'd asked my cardiologist about it and he said that should be fine.

Mean Nurse did NOT like this AT ALL.

I was frustrated.

I wanted a home birth.

And I was so annoyed with "the system".

More contractions and we ate some Wheat Thins, snuck into the hospital in Geoff's bag.

More walking around the halls of the hospital.

At 7 a.m. a new nurse arrived. Her name is Ronda. Ronda is a goddess.

At 7:20 I got in the shower, which was the best feeling of my entire life. I felt like I could relax and the pain wasn't as sharp in the shower. The hot water felt amazing.

Breakfast arrived shortly thereafter, but I couldn't imagine eating. Geoff ate some of it.

At 7:48 Ronda took the baby's heart rate with a doppler while I was in the shower. Going strong still.

Oh I loved the hot shower. It never ran out of hot water. I thought about all the women in labor who don't have access to hot water and I felt sorry for them.

I could have stayed in the shower forever.

At 8:20 contractions slowed a bit and were less intense.

I rested in bed for 20 minutes and went back in the shower for another 30 minutes. Doppler in the shower showed baby's heartbeat still going strong and doing great.

At 10:10 a.m., Ronda checked me and I was still 2-3 cm and the baby was still really really high.

I didn't want to risk losing our room at French because they were full and I really wanted to have the baby there, but we discussed options a little while, such as going home.

At 10:45 I started crying. I was frustrated. I'd been working so hard. Nothing was happening. I could see that Geoff was exhausted and Connie was holding on to stay awake for me. I was hurting and there seemed to be no progress.

I was afraid of what kind of intervention the hospital would require if the baby didn't come soon. I didn't want a c-section, and I felt like here I was doing everything I could and nothing was happening the way it was supposed to.

At 11 a.m. (we're at the 12 hour mark now, folks!), Ronda checked baby again and baby was moving a lot with a strong heartbeat.

I rested for 45 minutes in bed, wetting the bed 3 times. I didn't want to move. I was so exhausted. I'd never been more tired.

At 12 noon, I had some tea with honey, which was amazing, but some vanilla pudding changed my life. It was the best pudding I'd ever had in my life.

Lunch arrived and I told Geoff to eat it. I couldn't handle food.

At 12:30, I found the best place for laboring -- sitting on the edge of the bed, feet dangling off, moving my head from side to side and just exhaling and moaning with each exhale. It felt great. I could have done it for hours.

At 2:30 p.m., we got a new nurse, Gina, and I was still on the bed.

It felt like I'd been on the bed like that for 10 minutes. I can't believe -- looking back -- that it was 2 hours.

Contractions were coming. Every 10 minutes.

At 3:30 p.m. I wanted some broth. Baby was doing great -- moving around, strong heartbeat, totally enjoying herself.

At 4 p.m. when the broth came, Connie, Geoff and I had a meeting to discuss options if we find out I haven't dilated anymore. I was exhausted, but afraid contractions would stop and then what?

I had more pudding. Chocolate.

At 4:25 I decided to be checked again and to make a decision.

At 4:45 when Gina checked me, she said she could ask my doctor to prescribe a sleeping pill so I could go home and rest.

At 4:45, I wanted to kiss a female nurse on the mouth because that was the most amazing news of my life.

I was still at 2-3 cm so I decided "Yep, we're going home".

At 5:25, I was happy with my decision, I had my sleeping pill and we said goodbye to Connie in the parking lot.

The funny part was I had to take the pill at the hospital because they didn't want me giving it to anyone else.

I would not have sold that pill to anyone for $700 billion. Nobody. I would have killed someone if they tried to take it away from me.

My mom was waiting for us at our place because she had made food for us and wanted to meet the baby at the hospital and all. She drove all the way from Bakersfield and, sorry, nothing.

I ate some of her homemade shrimp fried rice (best of my life) and went to bed.

I slept from 6:15 to around 10 p.m.

At 1 a.m. the contractions returned with a vengeance.

I took a warm bath, rested, tried to stay home as long as possible (but meanwhile was dying to know how dilated I was) and called Connie at 5:21 a.m.

At that time, I felt like I needed to poop, but knew that had to be impossible since I'd barely eaten anything.

I was in agony and told Connie "Well, maybe I could have a Stadol or something, you know, something minor to help with the pain".

Connie ignored this (as I had asked her to do months before that moment) and she asked if we were ready to go to the hospital again. I asked her to call French and see if they had rooms, because that was important to me.

At 6:39 a.m. a tub room was available at French Hospital.

We met Connie at the hospital at 7:20 a.m. and and our new room was gigantic and had a tub! Sadly, it did not also have a shower.

At 7:55 Nurse Nancy checked me and I was at 6-7 cm dilated.

This was the happiest moment of my life.

Nancy discovered there was a bulging bag of waters, meaning baby's head wasn't putting pressure on my cervix (like it's supposed to do to help move things along).

There was also some "old meconium" that came out, so the water had broken, but it couldn't come out because the baby's head was acting like a plug keeping most of it in.

When I stood up after being checked, my water broke.

I started lunging with my foot on a chair to help the baby move down. Nurse Nancy wanted to see some accelerated heart rates on the baby monitor before I was allowed into the tub.

I had a few bites of pudding. I was on the bed, on my knees.

At 8:50 a.m. I was still keeping hydrated by Connie (Chief Water Pusher) and I tried leaning on the ball and standing.

Contractions were definitely stronger.

At 8:53, Nancy checked baby's heart rate, but baby was not being reactive and I was so tired of being in bed.

Contractions in bed are excruciating. The worst. They are MUCH better standing up or walking or even sitting. Laying down is the worst position and I had to stay there and bear it so I could be granted permission into the tub.

Connie was feeding me pudding to get some sugar into my system to get baby's heart rate up.

At 9:36 a.m. I was 8 cm dilated. Almost there! Baby's head was on the cervix, doing its job. Nancy got the heart tone she wanted.

At 9:53 I got into the tub, which was the greatest feeling of my life.

Contractions were coming, but they were "softened" by the warm water.

At 10:03 Nancy checked baby's heart with a doppler while I was in the tub, and everything was great.

At this point I had been completely naked in front of 2 strangers for half an hour and did not give one whit.

At 10:18, I said "I feel like I have to poop" and started feeling the urge to push. Exactly like the feeling when you have diarrhea - that NEED to push and PRAY that something comes out.

I was grunting so loud because -- my God -- I had to PUSH. Nurse Nancy checked me and said there was still a little bit of cervix in the way of the baby's head (which is bad to push against because the cervix can swell and then the baby definitely won't come out) so I tried so hard not to push. Trying not to push made me shake and grit my teeth.

I got out of the water and onto the bed.

At 10:50 a.m., it was okay to push through the peak of the contraction and I got on my knees on the bed (backwards from the normal way you see in movies and on tv -- my arms up on the "headrest" part) and it felt great. With each push, there was more meconium.

The room was dark and peaceful.

Nobody was making noise except the constant murmuring of Connie and Geoff telling me "You're doing great. Here, drink more water."

Connie helped put my hair in a ponytail because it had gotten loose and was in my sweaty face.

Joanne, the midwife, was in the room now and was just watching and waiting.

The room was totally quiet.

At 11:32, Joanne suggested I move to a squatting position, supporting myself on Geoff's legs while he sat in a chair behind me. The baby moved WAY down. Joanne was on her knees in front of me.

At 11:37 a.m., I touched the baby's head.

This is really happening.

I stood up to take a break from squatting, and got down again.

With each contraction I pushed with all my might, bringing my chin to my chest, holding my breath, listening to Connie, Joanne, Geoff and everyone in the room whispering "You can do this, your baby is almost here".

At 11:48 a.m., our baby was born with no drugs. No needles. No unnecessary intervention.

I did it.

Oh my God, I did it.

I can do anything.

Joanne cut her cord and put her in my arms while I was still squatting on the ground with Geoff behind me, and I said:

"It's a girl! It's a girl! Oh my God! She's beautiful, Geoff!"

It's a girl.

Picture of the Day: Newborn Weigh-In

From National Geographic

Finding the Right Doula, Part 2: Doula Archetypes

When you picture her, what does your perfect birth support person look like? Is she a nurturing Ms. Claus type? A soft-spoken Moon Goddess? A punk rock sister?

Portland-based doula Leah Shuchter wrote a great post on her blog about doula archetypes.

Photo credit: draven

Finding the Right Doula for You

As you begin to think about who you want to have at your birth, you may decide you want a birth doula to provide labor support to you and your partner. But how do you choose which doula to hire? Today, most cities and towns have many practicing doulas, so you should have no trouble finding a doula who is compatible with your wishes for your birth. Most doulas offer free interviews. I recommend interviewing at least 3. Every doula is different; you want to find the one with whom you really click.

Here are some questions you may want to ask as you interview doulas:

• How do you support women who want to have a natural childbirth?

• How do you support women if they want or decide to use pain medications or an epidural?

• How do you support the father?

• What kinds of things do you bring with you to the birth to help the mother (i.e., birth ball, aromatherapy, hot/cold packs, etc.)?

• What kind of training and experience do you have as a doula? How many births have you been to?

• What other skills or certifications do you have that might support a mother?

• Have you worked with my doctor/midwife before?

• Have you worked at my chosen hospital/birth center?

• What is your relationship with my care provider and hospital/birth place?

• What other services do you provide?

• What is your on-call availability? Do you use back-up?

• What is your fee and what does that include?

• Please give me three references of clients you have worked with recently.

This list originally appeared here.

Life-Size Breastfeeding Photos Around Town

Marin County (CA) just launched a pro-breastfeeding campaign that involves large-as-life cardboard women breastfeeding in public places -- a wonderful, inventive idea!

A series of life-sized photographs of women breastfeeding their babies, cut-out and plastered on poster board, is all part of an eye-catching campaign to encourage and promote the acceptance of breastfeeding in public.

See more here.

Three cheers for Marin!

Imagine a Mother in You

I believe in the power of birth affirmations. Here are some of my favorites to use during your pregnancy...

• my mind and body can handle a labor of any kind
• i will have a strong and healthy baby
• i trust my body to know how to birth this child
• i trust my instincts to know what I need in labor
• i trust my instincts to do what is best for my baby
• i am a strong and capable woman
• only I can give birth to this baby and I accept responsibility for that challenge
• my body knows how to birth my baby
• i trust my instincts
• babies are born when they are ready, not when doctors, midwives or anyone decides
• my body is indeed beautifully and wonderfully made
• it's good for me to take care of myself; I get to have a voice
• i have to be truthful with myself
• i listen to my body and heart
• i deserve to have the birth I desire
• i trust my body
• i trust my pain
• i trust my labor
• i trust in my baby
• i am a strong and capable woman
• i am a powerful, loving and creative being
• i am now willing to experience all my feelings
• my pelvis releases and opens as have those of countless women before me
• i accept myself completely here and now
• i now feel inner peace and serenity
• i accept this labor as my labor and believe it is the right one for me and for my baby
• i love and accept my body completely
• i accept all my feelings as part of myself
• i feel the love of others around me
• my baby knows all is well
• my heart knows what my baby needs, my mind is learning
• i am a powerful, loving and creative being
• i accept myself completely here and now
• i now feel inner peace and serenity
• i accept all my feelings as part of myself
• good strong contractions help my baby come into the world
• i embrace the concept of healthy pain
• i have enough love to go around, the universe always provides
• i am strong, confidently assured, assertive and very feminine
• my body contains all the knowledge necessary to give birth to my baby
• my baby knows how and when to be born
• birth is a safe and wonderful experience
• my baby will be born healthy and at the perfect time

I Make Milk; What's Your Superpower?

The following is taken from a Babies First article.

If you breastfeed for a few days, your baby will have received your colostrum, or early milk. Packed with optimal nutrition and antibodies, it helps get your baby's digestive system going and give him his first - and easiest - immunization.

If you breastfeed for four to six weeks, you will have eased him through the most critical part of his infancy. Breastfed newborns are much less likely to get sick or be hospitalized and have fewer digestive problems than artificially fed babies.

If you breastfeed for three or four months her digestive system will have matured a great deal and she will be much better able to tolerate the foreign substances in artificial baby milk.

If you breastfeed for six months, she will be much less likely to suffer an allergic reaction to artificial baby milk or other foods. A new study indicates that nursing for more than six months may greatly reduce the risk of childhood cancers as well.

If you breastfeed your baby for nine months, you will have seen him through the fastest and most important development of his life on the most valuable of all foods - your milk.

If you breastfeed your baby for a year you can avoid the expense of artificial baby milk. Many health benefits during this year of nursing will last her whole life. She will have a stronger immune system, less chance of childhood and adolescent obesity and will be much less likely to need orthodontia or speech therapy.

If you breastfeed your baby for eighteen months, you will have continued to provide the highest quality nutrition and superb protection against illness at a time when illness is common in other babies. The US Surgeon General says "It is the lucky baby that nurses to age two".

If you breastfeed your baby until he is ready to wean, you can feel confident you have met your baby's physical an emotional needs in the most natural, healthiest way possible. In cultures where there is no pressure to wean, children tend to nurse for at least two years. Mothers who have nursed for two or more years have a lower risk of developing breast cancer.

Don't worry that your child will nurse forever. All children wean eventually no matter what you do and there are more nursing toddlers around than you might guess.

Researchers Look at C-Section Effects on Moms

Cesarean section has become the most common operation performed in the US today.

Over the years researchers have studied the effects of the surgery on newborns more so than they have studied the immediate medical effects on the mothers. A recent USA Today article covers a new government study that finally does look at the moms and the medical effects cesareans have had on them.

What they found is that while cesareans have been rising, so too have the incidents of severe birth complications. The study looks at two time periods: 1998-99 vs. 2004-05. In 2006 (the most recent year for which statistics are available) 31.1% of all U.S. births were cesarean, up 50% from 1998.

What the researchers found in looking at birth complications for these two time periods were strong increases in blood transfusions, blood clots in the lungs, kidney failure, respiratory distress, shock, and the need for a ventilator. 

From the article:

While the study doesn't prove that C-sections cause complications, tracking those complications could be useful, says co-author Susan Meikle, a medical officer at the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development.

The actual number of deliveries with at least one complication was 0.64% in 1998-99 and 0.81% in 2004-05. "Even though the absolute numbers are low, the rates are increasing. … We could do a better job at tracking these complications," says Meikle, an obstetrician. "There may be short-term trade-offs and long-term trade-offs (depending on mode of delivery). We don't know that yet."

The study did not cover the reason for the cesareans and whether the moms who had them were sick beforehand. 

Michael Kramer, scientific director of the Canadian counterpart of Meikle's institute, notes that in some cases, a complication might have triggered a C-section, not vice-versa. Still, says Kramer, co-author of a 2007 report that found more severe maternal complications in planned C-sections than in vaginal deliveries, doctors tend to underestimate C-section risks.

A related article was written on the same study in the Guardian newspaper and included the following quote:

"There are rare adverse outcomes no matter what we do," said Dr Alan Peaceman, chief of maternal foetal medicine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. "I don't think anyone should be worried about it. But [the new data] should be kept in mind and be part of the equation when considering the risks and benefits of doing the procedure."

I disagree that no one should worry.

According to the World Health Organization the best outcomes for mothers and babies occur with cesarean section rates of 5% to 10%. Rates above 15% seem to do more harm than good. Currently, an astounding 1 in 3 women in the US is delivering via cesarean section.

Please don't misunderstand me: I am grateful that cesarean birth is possible. Many women and children owe their lives to this utterly amazing procedure. That is why it exists. But, a lot of women and babies who don't need this surgery are experiencing it. Going back to the Guardian article:

Dr Xavier Pombar, director of obstetrics at Rush University Medical Centre in Chicago, said some women prefer a Caesarean because they view it as easier to schedule and less likely to cause complications such as urinary incontinence.

He said physicians are more inclined to do C-sections because they fear being sued if problems arise during a vaginal delivery.

"Everything in this country is pushing toward higher Caesarean rates," he said.

Childbirth Connection, a national non-profit founded in 1918, conducted a national survey of women who gave birth in hospitals in 2005. They say they were the first study to poll women about the decision to birth via cesarean in the United States. From their research, they reached the following conclusions on the reasons for the rising US cesarean rate. Interestingly, they did not find that more women are requesting to schedule cesarean births as we've been hearing. Rather, they found:

- Low priority of enhancing women's own abilities to give birth
- Side effects of common labor interventions
- Refusal to offer the informed choice of vaginal birth
- Casual attitudes about surgery and cesarean sections in particular
- Limited awareness of harms that are more likely with cesarean section
- Providers' fears of malpractice claims and lawsuits
- Incentives to practice in a manner that is efficient for providers

More on Childbirth Connection's survey findings here.

What can you do to lessen your chance of cesarean? Be mindful of your health during pregnancy and seek prenatal & birth care that enhances your body's innate capacity for giving birth. By this I mean, consider hiring a doula and/or a midwife and educate yourself before choosing where you want to birth your baby.

I think Diana Korte and Roberta Scaer put it best in A Good Birth, A Safe Birth: "If you don't know your options, you don't have any."

If you or someone you know has had a cesarean birth, please visit the International Cesarean Awareness Network to find resources and support in your area.

A Mom-Recommended Shopping List for the New Mom

If you're expecting your first baby, you're probably wondering what to buy for your baby. It can be very overwhelming, after all you've never done this before AND a lot of companies would have you believe you need a lot of stuff. So, what do you really need? Here you go: A mom-recommended list compiled by myself and a couple of my mom friends.

Big Ticket Items

Car Seat: The car seat will be one of the first used of your new baby items. If you have your baby in a hospital, you'll need a car seat to bring the baby home. You have your choice: Infant car seats that can be easily carried into the house but the little one will out-grow by 20 lbs, or a larger car seat that can't be easily carried around, but can grow with your little one past their first birthday. Extra car seat bases are nice if you have more than car, but definitely not necessary as the bases can be easily moved and the car seat can be strapped in without the base, too. Some strollers have attachments for use with infant car seats, also.

Tip: You can take your car seat to the highway patrol for tips and help on correct installation in your car.

Sleeping place for the little one: Co-sleeper, bassinet, cradle, crib, etc. I don't know anyone who's used one, but the Amby Baby Motion Bed looks like a comfortable, swinging alternative to having the baby with you in bed. And even if you do plan to co-sleep with your baby, think about where the baby will nap safely. Bed rails and a baby monitor can help you rest easy while your baby naps on your bed in the afternoon without you, especially when your little one becomes more mobile.If you're not into a crib, a crib mattress on the floor with some pillows around can make a nice napping nest, too, for your older (rolling, crawling!) baby.

Breast Pump: There are a lot of different types of breast pumps on the market (manual, electric, single, double, hands-free...). I strongly recommend purchasing the top of the line: A fully electric, double breast pump such as the Medela Pump in Style. The reason is, you need a pump with a suction that mimics your baby's in order to keep your supply up while you pump, and you don't want to have to pump for a long time each time either.

A nursing friend of mine offers this great suggestion: A hand pump (also Medela) is nice to have for quick pumps where hauling the big one out is a pain (ie car rides).

Tip: If you get a used breast pump, replace the tubes, shields and containers. You may also want to have the suction tested to be sure it hasn't declined with use, or that it won't give out after you begin using it. Pumping can be frustrating, so make sure your equipment is up to snuff. If you're in the Santa Cruz area, the Lactation Center at Sutter Hospital can test your pump's suction, sell you any tubes/supplies you need (including very comfortable nursing bras), and also provide consulting help with breastfeeding and pumping.

Note: If you'll be storing your breast milk, you'll need supplies for this too. Great information is available on milk storage how-tos at La Leche League

A Note on Bottles: Different babies have different preferences for bottles. Get and try a few. Be sure to get the proper nipple size for your baby.

Soft Baby Carrier: This is a must! Your baby will be most content being worn whether by you, dad or a caregiver. Watching you do housework is way more interesting than lying on her back, watching the ceiling. Plus babies love going for outdoor walks, and in a soft carrier they can nurse and nap comfortably, meaning you can go further and further from home. Even when you go out for a stroller walk, you'll want to throw your carrier in, too, just in case your baby isn't into staying in the stroller the whole way (pushing a stroller and carrying a fussy baby in your arms without the help of a carrier is hard work!).

Carriers I've used and liked: Pretty Mama Ring Sling, Moby Wrap, and Eden Mei Tai. Many of my friends have used the Ergo and like it, too. Dads seem to prefer the Snuglee and Baby Bjorn-type carriers to the slings and wraps, but then they don't need to nurse & walk! Having carriers that your both comfortable with will be useful.

Tip: You'll most likely end up with a few carriers. Try each new carrier around the house a few times before you head out into the world. I have found that each carrier requires a getting-used-to period for both my baby and I. 

Tip #2 from another mother: If you go with the Baby Bjorn, make sure to get the one with back support. This is a great thing to watch for at consignment stores, but it is good to have a nice one that you will use, so may be a good thing to put on the registry.

Swing, Bouncy Seat, Both: You can find these used pretty easily since they are only useful in the early months. Some moms swear by their baby swings. They say their baby's sleep great in them. For us, the bouncy seat was the thing we couldn't do without. Use it on the kitchen counter while you cook & at the kitchen table while you eat or do other projects. It is easy to move from room to room.

Tip: Inevitably you'll have to go to the bathroom / take a shower when no one is around to hold / watch your baby. Your bouncy seat will come in handy in the bathroom.

Stroller: While not totally necessary, strollers are very nice to have -- especially for carrying your gear to the park, or home again from the grocery store! When getting your stroller, consider what you'll do with it. Does it need to collapse easily to fit in your trunk? Will you be jogging? Does it need to carry more than one child?

Tip: If you get a jogging stroller, you'll need an attachment so you can set your infant car seat in the stroller. I decided not to do this with my jogging stroller. Instead I bought this product and waited a bit longer before going out with my baby in the stroller. I found the soft carriers worked fine in the early months. Later when we started going to the park, I needed the stroller to carry the blanket, magazine, toys, snacks, etc.

Smaller Necessities

Swaddling Blankets: The key here is that they are big enough to actually swaddle your baby. Turns out most baby blankets ("receiving blankets") are not big enough. Look for 1 meter x 1 meter. I like Swaddle Designs' Ultimate Swaddling Blanket. Three is a good number. You can also buy Velcro swaddlers, like Kiddopotamus' Swaddle Me. The nice thing about the Kiddopotamus is that it creates a pouch for your little one's legs so they can be swaddled but move their legs (essential for hip development). There is also the Miracle Blanket. Tip: Watch the video on the website for help wrapping your baby in this blanket.

Tip: Swaddling takes practice. Practice on your happy baby so that when she is fussy (and it is the middle of the night) you'll already know how to do it.

Yoga Ball: Babies need movement to feel content (it reminds them of their cozy womb time), and some babies need movement to not only fall asleep, but also to stay asleep. A yoga ball can help you keep moving when your body is tired.

Tip: Great nap combo for a newborn -- put your baby in a carrier, walk/rock/bounce them to sleep, then keep them asleep by bouncing/swaying on a yoga ball while you watch a movie. (My husband substituted video games for the movie.) You and your little one will both feel refreshed, even if you don't always "nap when the baby naps."

White Noise Machine: Babies enjoy white noise. It helps to calm them, and often times helps them to sleep (another womb-time reminder). You can create your own tape of white noise to play (record running water, the vaccumn, your hair dryer, etc), or buy a machine like Homedics. I like the white noise machine, too, because it does a great job of neutralizing house noises while my daughter naps. And with the machine, it just stays on as long as needed whereas your tape recording might run out.

Mobile: I suggest getting two: One for over the baby's sleep area, and another over the changing table. Remember that the mobiles should look interesting from the bottom-looking-up.

Infant Bathing Seat: Whether you bath your little one in the family bathtub or the kitchen sink, an infant bath seat can make it a lot easier to handle a slippery little one.

Breastfeeding Pillow: Breastfeeding requires lots of pillows and bolsters in the beginning -- to keep you comfortable, and to align your baby properly to your breast. You can make due with pillows from your bed, but a specially-designed breastfeeding pillow, like the Boppy, can be a big help. Also, the Boppy will get a second life when your child is a couple months older and learning to sit.

Diaper bag: Any bag will work, even a backpack. You just need a bag in which you can store: A clean diaper or two, wipes, diaper cream (optional), a dirty diaper or two (if you are doing cloth), a change of clothes for your baby, a couple of toys, extra breast pads for you (and maybe a spare shirt). The diaper bag that I prefer is a bag / changing pad combo by Ticklebug Baby. 

Tip: If you are doing cloth diapers or cloth wipes, a specially-designed wet bag might be useful. You can also simply use Ziploc bags.

Total Luxuries
Baby Lamb Skin: Awesome for naked time & for sleeping on.

Tip: A mother I know put the sheep skin in her son's crib between the mattress and the sheet and had much better luck lying him down to sleep after he fell asleep in her arms because the sheep skin prevented any noise from the mattress. 

Tip #2: Take the lamb skin with you when you travel so your baby has something familiar to snuggle up against thus hopefully falling asleep more easily.

Baby Nose Blow: Way easier to use (and clean!) than the bulb syringe they use in the hospital. Baby Nose Blow

Kimono-Style Onsies & Leg Warmers: Onsies that don't have to go over your baby's head will make changes easier on both of you. And leg warmers make diaper changes a snap, and also are easy to put on for extra layers of warmth. My favorites of each: onsies and leg warmers.

Large Fluffy, Hooded Bath Towel: Speaks for itself

Baby Bath Herbs: Each night my little one takes a bath containing lavendar oil and a little sachel of Angel Baby Earth Mama's Baby Bath Blossoms. Seems to always soothe both of us.

Misc. Essentials
A Good, Comprehensive Baby Care Book: I recommend the Sears' guide, The Baby Book. People joke that babies don't come with manuals, but this book is just that. You'll find everything from how to trim your baby's fingernails, to chord care, to sleep questions, to growth charts & developmental milestones. There are other books out there on this subject, but this is the best I've seen in terms of giving you the tools to care for your baby with confidence and kindness.

Happiest Baby on the Block: Book or DVD series. Learn how to soothe your newborn.

The Skinny on Diapers, written by a cloth-diapering friend of mine

The good news is, you have a lot of diapering options. The bad news is, you have a lot of diapering options. Going cloth isn't as hard as some people think and a few months of a diapering service is a great gift to ask for!

That said, here is what I do:

We use gDiapers, hybrid non-disposables with a flushable liner for trips.

Cloth: My favorites are bum genius and fuzzibuns: one-size, all-in-ones (they have snaps that make them adjustable).

Check here for prefold info. The best outer wrap for prefolds I've found is the bummis whisper wrap. You can also get a few of the less expensive outer covers (ie. prowraps) from consignment stores.

To simplify cloth diapers, this is my recommendation (you will need to wash every other day; increase the numbers to wash less):

• 10 bum genius or fuzzibuns 1 size, all-in-ones (some day cares are ok with these because they are as easy as disposable)- I use these for nighttime (double stuffed with a trifold) and when we go out. Maybe order a couple of each to try.

• 12 trifold cloth newborn size (can be used to double up for older babes)

• 12 trifold regular size

• 2 small and 2 medium whisper wrap covers (you put these over the trifold and usually only wash them after several changes)

• 2 snappis (what we use these days instead of safety pins)
  

I ordered the “try-it kit" and then some extra trifolds. I like the Indian cotton.

Tip: The really cheapy ones (ie gerber brand) are meant to be burp clothes not diapers!

Tip #2: Check the consignment stores and craigslist for cloth diapers in good shape, a lot of people give up on them early! Also, when you do the math cloth works out, so don’t be shocked when you have to shell out a few hundred dollars to get going on cloth. This is a great thing to put on a registry and people feel good supporting it.

Tip #3: For the first week of your newborn's life, you may just want to use disposible diapers. The reason is because your baby's first bowel movements, called mechonium, will ressemble tar. The substance is blackish and very sticky. To make cleaning the mechonium off your baby's booty a bit easier, apply olive oil to your baby's clean bum before putting on each diaper.

Cloth Washcloths: If your new baby is a girl, it is a good idea to use cloth wipes with water only at least for the first couple of weeks. The additives in the disposable wipes can be irritating to her tender parts. More info on cloth wipes.

Tip: Consider keeping a coffee dispenser of warm water by the changing table for applying to the cloth wipes.This way you won't need to run your kitchen or bath tap each time you do a diaper change.

Health & Hygiene

Baby Nail Clippers: Babies' nails grow ridiculously fast and you'll need to clip them every other day or so for the first few months.

Tip: Some moms just use their teeth.

Digital Thermometer: These come in all types nowadays. We like the ear one. Good gift registry item.

Baby Tylenol, Hyland's Teething Tablets, Gripe Water

Baby Shampoo & Bodywash

Diaper Rash Ointment: We have three by our changing table: Weleda's Calendula Diaper Cream for nighttime and other times when she needs long-term wetness protection; Angel Baby Earth Mama's Baby Bottom Balm is an olive oil-based ointment that keeps baby's skin soft and healthy; Benedictine Childrens' Product's Diaper Rash Oil with plaintain oil for actual diaper rash flare ups.

Tip: Plaintain oil works very well for curing a diaper rash; zinc oxide-based creams, like Weleda's and Butt Paste, work well to protect against wetness irritation.

Note: If you decide to use gDiapers and compost your wet diapers, remember that what ever diaper cream you use will end up in your compost, too.

Pacifiers: Just go ahead and get a few. You can decide later if you're really going to use them or not. Leashes are helpful, too. And if you don't use your pacifiers, the leashes make great toy & teething ring tethers. 

Mama Wellness: Stuff for you right after the birth
Thick Maxi Pads

Postpartum Bath Herbs: I liked Angel Baby Earth Mama's 

Breast pads: I prefer Lansinoh brand

Nipple cream: I like two brands: Lansinoh lanolin and Angel Baby Earth Mama Nipple Butter (lanolin free)

Tylenol

Food Tree: Encourage your well-meaning friends and family who want to visit and help you after the baby arrives to cook meals for you. Ask your most organized friend to to put this together for you. I had dinners for a whole month coming every other day and it was the greatest gift I could have recieved. My husband and I were free to concentrate on getting to know our little one and breastfeeding without needing to worry about cooking. And each meal was a delicious reminder of our community. It was wonderful having our visitors spaced out, too, and I knew who to expect each day. I strongly recommend this for every postpartum family.

Prenatal Vitamins: Some women don't realize this, but as long as you breastfeed you should continue to take your prenatal vitamins and DHA fish oil. Also, consider adding a supplemental calcium and vitamin B complex (shown effective in combating postpartum depression). 

Nursing Tea

A Final Note

Your friends and family will most likely give you clothes. Few can resist the tiny outfits when they are shopping for baby gifts. Try to get some of them to give you 3-6, 6-9, 9-12 month sizes so you don't end up with only newborn clothes. Hats and socks are sometimes overlooked by gift-givers.

Another mother's tip: I won't go into all the clothes your baby needs except to say you really don't need as much as you'll get. Babies love to be skin-to-skin with mom and dad best, so snuggle up under a cozy blanket! (Or bundle your bare baby onto your bare chest with a Moby Wrap.) Plead with gift-givers to get mostly 6-12 month clothes or other things that you need (like meals in the freezer).

Another good resource for what to buy: The Berkeley Parents Network

Home Birth: Big Brother Cuts the Cord

This story is told by Meadow Gibbons:

Irene Amara Willow Hunter
September 18th, 2007, 10:30pm, at our home in Santa Cruz

I thought I lost my mucus plug around 3:30am on Monday the 17th. I looked through a pregnancy book to make sure and went back to bed. I began to have mild contractions which continued throughout the day. I went to a neighbor's party for her daughter's 1st birthday and everyone there was so excited and surprised to see me there in early labor.

I spent the night sleeping relatively well and gradually the contractions came more often. I called my midwife's assistant in the morning to let her know I had started having contractions. She came over in the late morning and I spent the day in bed alone (as I wanted it) with her and my husband checking in on me. I felt calm for the most part, but a little nervous - I knew there was no going back!

In the late morning, my contractions gradually began to become more intense and by the evening I was active labor. My midwife's assistant suggested I take a walk to help me progress, but I opted to sit out on my back porch and take in the fresh air under the dusky sky. Shortly thereafter my contractions really kicked in. My midwife arrived and I soon started to push. After about 45 minutes, my baby arrived. My husband, two best friends and my stepson were all present. I was so ready to be done with the pushing and to see my baby. My back was hurting and I was tired. Someone mentioned they could see hair. The excitement and awe were palpable as I pushed. "It's a girl!" The words were surreal. I was totally overwhelmed. My baby girl was placed directly on my chest. Purple and wet and furry! WOW!

My husband and I laid there with her and then my stepson cut her cord. I spent the night on the couch cuddling her and attempting to nurse. I thought at that time that her birth was so much less frightening and painful than I had prepared for. I was (and am still) so thankful for my peaceful birth of Irene.